If You Felt Like This…

…you might need to sit down.

If the average healthy person felt like I felt most days, they may need to sit down. They may even need to lie down. Maybe call in sicks to work? They may say, “You know, I’m not feeling so hot today.”

For the person that is chronically ill or terminally ill, lying down is not always an option if we want to live as a fulfilling life as we can. That’s not meant to sound dramatic or grim, it’s simply the truth of my reality. I don’t want to live the rest of my life lying in bed!

So, I get up, and I brace myself. I try to make sure I shower when there’s someone home because I’d hate to slip, fall, or pass out, wet and naked, while no one is home to help me. I hold on going down the stairs because the last thing I want to do is take a header down those things and crash into the wall below (done that before…ouch!) I try to prepare dinner for my family as many nights a week as I can. I make menus and elaborate grocery lists. I drag my poor, dear, husband with me to one store after the next gathering all the groceries I need for my plans.

The truth is I need to keep moving; that’s what reminds me I’m still alive. I simply can’t lie down each time the room was spinning, my stomach was upset, or my chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. If I did that I would spend the remainder of my life in bed, and that’s just no fun!

Really what’s happened is I’ve gotten use to it over time. I never feel 100%, that doesn’t exist for me anymore. So, I adjust what feels normal on a regular basis as my heart continues to fail. I would guess that most people in my similar position do the same thing. We get use to the room spinning, the endless stomach upset, and the pressure in our chest becomes more manageable. We adjust to needing people to help us do simple things like taking a shower, or running to the grocery store.

I guess the up side to all of this is I get to spend a lot of time with the people who mean the most to me. Those are the people who are here to give me a hand when I need one, or are the voice on the other end of the phone motivating me to get up and move!

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