When you go into the hospital with fluid overload that requires IV diuretics to relieve, every fluid you put in your body is measured, as is every fluid that comes out. The most common way to measure the output is with a Urine Hat Specimen Collector, affectionately called “The Hat”. Having a private room so that you can use the restroom as frequently as you need to is always desirable, however after being asked to give up my private room for a gentleman with a compromised immune system I ended up having to share a room with another patient. I was assured she was quite pleasant and was very quiet. The quiet part I found somewhat ironic considering there is nothing about this hospital that is quiet, especially when your room is directly across from the nurses station. The accommodations were adequate though, and my roommate required assistance so she didn’t frequent the restroom nearly as often as I did.
Then came the morning of the day I anticipated being released. I was sure I would be discharged shortly after my final dose of IV diuretics, so I prepared myself for a dozen or so trips to the commode with my little hat of course. In between visits to my favorite flushable friend, I would pack up my things and wait for the doctor and nurse to come in, giving me my marching orders, and set me free. Unfortunately, for my bladder, I kept receiving visitors. First the heart failure educator, then the nutritionist, a friend from church, and finally a CNA to check my vitals. By this time my bladder was screaming and it was only a matter of minutes before I simply wouldn’t be able to hold it any longer.
Meanwhile, I notice my roommate being given assistance to the restroom where she stayed for quite some time. While she was indisposed, a couple CNA’s came in to change her bed linens and lay out a clean gown for her. Finally she came out and I thought this may be my chance to go in and have a quick pee and save my bladder from any further torture, but before I could get there a nurse walked in with a stack of clean towels, waltzed into the bathroom and started preparing the shower for my roommate.
With my hat in hand I go out to the nurses station and standing there is a cardiologist and a nurse manager. I ask where the nearest restroom might be and they look at each other, then at me, and said…”We don’t know!” By the looks on their faces you’d have thought I had just asked them where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. I quickly explained I was a woman on diuretics in desperate need of a toilet and if they could assist me in any way I would be ever so grateful. Again, no assistance from the cardiologist or the nurse manager. I could only surmise at this point that directing me to the nearest bathroom was simply too far below their pay grade. Thankfully a nurse passed by and heard enough of the exchange to understand what was going on and was polite enough to walk me to the nearest facilities.
Bathroom emergency resolved! Upon returning to my room a CNA appeared and I informed her that had to relieve myself at a remote bathroom and wasn’t exactly sure how much output I had since I overflowed the 36oz hat given to me to use, but I’m sure she could figure it out, plus or minus a few ounces, and went back to waiting for my release papers.