I’ve been home in Wyoming for almost a month now and it’s been a challenge to find a new normal. I’m still tired, my sleep schedule is off, and I’m generally feeling sad, I guess. I have a lot of things I’d like to do, and I can do them, but I’m so overwhelmed by all of it I don’t know where to start. My house isn’t my house right now, my garage is full of not only things we brought back from Salt Lake City, but also most of the contents of my oldest son and daughter in-law’s apartment; they are living with us temporarily. The old fat cat is back to living in my office, and generally being a pain in my back side with her crankiness. That means my office is a hot mess instead of being a place I can go to decompress.
Nothing is where is should be, or at least that’s how it feels right now. Things don’t stay where they belong, or things are just left where they are set down and left for someone else to pick up. Then my husband likes to tell me about, and sometimes even shows me pictures of, the infractions of the other inhabitants of the house, which makes me feel responsible. I could tell him to handle it himself, but there is a part of me that doesn’t trust that he’ll do it in a way that won’t make things worse. As my oldest son would say “that sounds like a you problem” and it is my problem.
Are there things my husband could do different, of course, but at this point I simply don’t possess the patience for him to figure it out; it’s easier to do it myself. Spoken like a true control freak some who know me would say, but no less true right now. Emotionally I really can’t handle much more. My plate is full dealing with my own inner dialog and trying to help maintain the emotional stability of others around me. It can be emotionally draining a lot of the time. So much there are days I’d rather just stay in bed and sleep the day away and let everyone just fend for themselves and stay out of the drama.
Of course, burying my head in the sand and not dealing with my surroundings isn’t helping me move forward. After speaking with my therapist this week, I realize I need to set some clearly defined boundaries and expectations, then follow up with consequences if those around me chose to over step. The boundaries and expectations aren’t the hard part, it’s how do I impose consequences for the adults around me who really should know better.
Right now, I’m feeling like I need to just take a step back and take care of me for a little bit and do the things that make me feel better. If anyone wants my opinion, I’ll be happy to give it, but there will be no more unsolicited advice from me, not that any of them have ever listened to me anyway, so, why waste my breath. If you’re not living in my home, I don’t have anything to say about how you live your life. In my home is a little different story since I have to live here after you move on.
I tried to address the boundary conversation with my husband today and unfortunately it didn’t go very well. It kind of makes me dread having to broach the subject with the other folks in the house. I know it needs to be done, I just don’t know where to start.